Whether you prefer off-color vampire jokes to Taylor Swift's "bad blood" or puns and word plays about kids, these hilarious Halloween jokes are sure to make you -- and the people you share them with -- giggle.

  1. How do vampires get around on Halloween? On blood vessels.
  2. What can you catch from a vampire in winter? Frostbite.
  3. Why didn’t the skeleton go to prom? He had nobody to go with.
  4. What’s a zombie’s favorite cereal? Rice Creepies.
  5. What’s it like being kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.
  6. Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation? The Dead Sea!
  7. Why did the skeleton climb up the tree? Because a dog was after his bones!
  8. What do you call a fat pumpkin? A pumpkin.


  1. Why are ghosts so bad at telling lies? Because you can see right through them.
  2. Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Day-scare.
  3. What do you call two witches sharing an apartment? Broommates.
  4. What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? A sax-a-bone.
  5. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!
  6. Wanna know why skeletons are so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
  7. Why didn’t the zombie go to school? He felt rotten!
  8. The skeleton canceled the gallery showing of his skull-pictures because his heart wasn’t in it.
  9. What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue? Let’s stop in for a cool one!
  10. What is a vampire’s pet peeve? A Tourniquet!
  11. Where do ghosts like to trick-or-treat? Dead ends.
  12. Who do monsters buy cookies from? Ghoul scouts.
  13. Why do Jack-o-lanterns have wicked smiles? Because they just had their brains scooped out!


  1. What Halloween candy should you give trick-or-theaters if you want them to think you’re rich? A 100-grand candy bar
  2. What do demons eat for breakfast? Deviled eggs.
  3. Why did the werewolf go to the dressing room when he saw the full moon? He needed to change.
  4. What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? A neck-taurine.
  5. Why do ghosts like to hang out at bars? Because of all of the Boos.
  6. Why do ghosts hate when it rains on Halloween? It dampens their spirits.
  7. What kind of monster is the best dancer? The boogieman.
  8. How do monsters like their eggs? Terror-fried.
  9. Who are the werewolf’s cousins? The what-wolf and then when-wolf.


  1. What do witches use on their hair? Scare-spray.
  2. The maker of this product does not want it, the buyer does not use it, and the user does not see it. What is it? A coffin.
  3. Why can’t the boy ghost have babies? Because he has a Hallo-weenie.
  4. What do female ghosts use to do their makeup? Vanishing Cream!
  5. Where does Dracula keep his money? In a blood bank.
  6. Did you hear about the chopper that crashed in the cemetery? Search and rescue workers have recovered 100 bodies and expect that number to climb as digging continues.